Sunday, November 20, 2011

Hows my hair? - from Grumblings of a Chronically Single Woman by Randi M Sherman, the Author of Paula Takes a Risk,available 2012

How’s my hair?

Waking up and hearing breathing, other than your own, can be exciting, terrifying, or embarrassing.  To confirm your suspicions, you may slowly and quietly reach back to feel for a body lying beside you. Hopefully, you know who it is.  Without moving, use only your eyes to search the room for condom wrappers.  An uneasy feeling sneaks up on you as you tightly shut your eyes to consider the two questions that need to be answered before you indicate that you’re awake.  Was this a good thing? And, how’s my hair? 

No matter what the answer to the moral issue is, whether you want to marry this guy, suffer through coffee and a bagel or ask him lose your number, the hair question must be addressed first.  Sure, morning breath is an issue, but not a priority.  Rest easily knowing that no one wakes up with fresh breath. A quick back-of-the-finger-under-eye rub can minimize the remnants of yesterday’s make-up.  But, a bad case of bedhead can play havoc with the self-confidence and the ability to project a carefree easy-going attitude.

Do not call attention to your level of wakefulness.  If he senses that you are awake, he may want to talk or … something.  You may lose the window of opportunity for hair repair.  It is important to concentrate on your breathing to maintain a sleeping rhythm as you attempt to assess the hair situation. The movement must look as if it’s a part on your waking process. Pretend you’re stretching.  Run your hands through your hair to determine the pillow damage sustained during the night.  Is it salvageable?  Has it gone wild?  Is it sticking up? Do you have a Gumby bump? Is it flat on one side? Can a quick pass with your fingers temporarily fix the damage until you can get to the bathroom for the full inspection and adjustment?

Remember the goal is to avoid having to answer questions such as: What’s going on with your hair?  Or, What happened to you?  Go through you mental checklist. Does he require glasses to see?  Is it possible to make a dash for the bathroom?  How long can I hold my head-position on this pillow?  When all else fails, divert his attention with sex.

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